Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Amazing Race-- Sailboats on the range

Where to even start with this episode? Seriously, I think it'll have to be with the combined effort of what I'll call "Team Think Tank". You know who I'm talking about: Caite and Brent; Jordan and her brawny lad. The combined IQ of these teams cannot exceed the number of fingers on my right hand. (Yes, I'll give them a few points for editing, and still, 5 is the most generous I can be...)Let's start with the bus station. I almost felt sorry for them as they cluelessly were left behind, all alone in the depot. They should be given a handicap. Did no one see, remember, not take seriously, Caite's teen pageant faux pas? Bless her soul... It wasn't just a blunder- the poor little girl just isn't up to the mental challenges. Like the bus schedules and like the such as... Is it any wonder both teams chose to be the condor in the challenge? I tried to see that as a strategic stroke of genius, but call me crazy-- give me a choice of getting full-on wet and nasty or putting cute accessories on a petting zoo animal (even one that spits) and guess which I'll choose hands-down every time.
(Caite and Brent even proved their Wonder Twin powers by "flying" straight down in their condor suit... Classy, smart and athletic! Way to prove to America that you're nothing like what we thought Caite!)

How cute were the E-Bay plastic horns at the llama challenge? It's so heartwarming to know that "Made in Taiwan" extends to Chili as well...
The cowboys (does anyone know what "Oh my gravy" means, anyway? Seriously! I spent years living in Texas, was "schooled" in Nashville, and I've never heard of that one!) were my faves in this leg. The kept their cool, their sense of humor and had great teamwork. Round em up! (I did wonder, though, how handy that sailboat would be out on the range.... Just sayin'...)

Joe and Heidi corralled a dying llama-- did anyone else notice that?

Hey, grandma "tri-in' harder"... singing the Spanish song about cockroaches, isn't going to help with the llamas. But I did love her attitude (although if I were her other grandchildren, I'd be offended by the fact that she straight up said that she loved and admired the kid with her the most... hmmm.....I'll bet there're no issues in that family...)

I'll be interested to see just how much farther Team Think Tank can cruise... They are almost sad to watch. Like drowning baby ducks...

Bachelor- The women were told all...

So, like many of my fellow female (and a few male) Americans, I sat in front of my High Def boob tube, popcorn, knitting, tea all at the ready for the segment of The Bachelor I like to call, The Bitches Are Back. Now, seriously, don't get me wrong, if I were on that show (the chances of me ever desiring that are about great as me wanting to get really really close to the pretty polar bear for a picture at feeding time...) I would be all about the Women Tell All show. I would totally want to go back and share all my juicy little secrets about what happened at the house and why that season's Bachelor is grade A slime. But that's not what happens-- it's part of the contract. They are all given a nice scripted storyline to follow, and this season it was "Let's Trash Roz." Have any doubts? Have you noticed how Jessie waited until just that night to mention the make-out scene between the producer and Roz? Really, with all of her post-interviews and her chances to sell that story to a tabloid, she waited until just that moment? That, friends, is called,"The show came to her and told her what to say right as the show was starting".
Also, if that was so, along with Ella's new assertion (also not mentioned in any of her previous statements...) Where Were The Cameras?? I absolutely Do Not buy Chris Harrison's assertion that they did not have them there for any of the "inappropriate behavior" that he and the girls claim to have happened "all the time". ALL the cameras missed the Biggest Scandal In Bachelor History?!?
Also, Chris used the "A" word. He actually said "Affair" on the air regarding Roz and the producer. I'm wondering if she doesn't have grounds for a defamation suit... Just sayin'...

Best comments of the night? Ashley (about Vienna):"...white-trash trailer f*n whore..."
And the comments regarding Tenley (let's not forget that she was, actually, a Disney figure-- Little Mermaid, among others-- as we were told at the beginning of her "journey"):"She sh*ts rainbows" and Vienna's classic:"I think she dreams in cartoons..."

Wasn't Ali just all up in her prime getting ready to face the nation as the next Bachelorette? She had the party line down, didn't she? She was appropriately kind and apologetic to Vienna-- just the All-American girl next door we can take into our hearts for next season. Bless her little soul.
I wonder what things would have looked like with her if they had made Gia the Bachelorette?

Next to Roz, Gia is the one I ended up having the most respect for. She never sold herself out, and she left with her dignity. You go girl. I think she really would have made things so much more interesting as The Bachelorette, but I guess that's why I don't give out the floral arrangements or wear the cheesy suits.

Gotta also say, who else gives Roz props for standing up for herself? And you know she was edited, so most of what she had to say was left out. Seriously, why was she kept sequestered like she was testifying for the Warren Commission? I just wanted to laugh... And Harrison trying to look all reproachful-- I hate to say it, but when someone starts to paste a Scarlet A on someone else, I start to look for semen stained blue dresses to begin to show up...

All in all, I feel that this was without a doubt the worst WTA in the history of The Bachelor franchise. It clearly was the most scripted and edited. The women and ABC clearly had an agenda. Could it be because Jake is such a boring, self-absorbed, cliche-filled d-bag? Most probably. How else to generate some type of interest in what is otherwise a deadly dull season.

Celebrity Fit (Fat) Club anyone? Now there's a show with some drama and issues! More later.

Friday, February 19, 2010

"Celebrity" Rehab- where's the drama?

Last night was my favorite of all guilty pleasures... Celebrity Rehab. I must admit that I do love this show in all it's forms (drug rehab, sex rehab). Let's face it, Dr. Drew has come up with a winning combination here-- C and D-list celebrities who want to extend the little bit of fame they have left and our desire to see how the price of fame takes its toll. Sometimes I can't even wait until the DVR gets to 20 minutes after before I start to watch-- I'll take the commercials for this one. It's my own personal fix.
Dr. Drew stays perfectly pressed and poised throughout each season, amidst the chaos surrounding him. (Sometimes an out and out sh*t-storm). I love that. I'll admit that I secretly think he goes home and beats the crap out of his dog/cat/blow-up sex doll, but that doesn't make him any less a great presence.
Shelly-- poor beleaguered Shelly. I often wonder how she doesn't end up running screaming into the night for a fix. She takes the brunt of everyone's wrath. I wonder if she knew the price of her sobriety would be this... Forget Obama, she and Dr. Drew deserved the Peace Prize last year.
However, I must say I was disappointed in this week's episode. Where was the angst Kerri Anne?!? (And is it just me, or does her last name just scream Penis to anyone else?) You don't really think the producers brought Kerri Anne back in just to deal with her unresolved drug issues, so you? Pul-eeze. That little girl is ratings gold! Previews look like next week she'll be back in rare form-- we can only hope!
Otherwise this has been a pretty bland group this season. Sigh....

Over on Real Housewives Of Orange County... OK, I am not on the Vicki Bandwagon. Have never been a fan. Don't like her, never have. I never under understood her elevated sense of self-importance, why she thought she was any sense of pretty..."Can I get a Woo-Hoo"?!?
Needless to say, I am thrilled to see that she seems to be getting her come-uppance these past few episodes. Really, Vicki, did you think that you could be Queen Bitch forever and everyone would always kiss your toes? Guess what Vicki? You are old, overweight (for the show), and not as attractive as you want to world to think you are. Finally someone is standing up to her-- telling her the kind of "truths" Vicki tells everyone else, and Vicki can't handle it. Poor, poor Vicki. Let's cry for her. Guess what big V-- It's not your show. (I know that would be news to her...)

On to Alexis. I actually like her. I admire her values. I don't care that she has boobs (real or not) and that they come out to play, and that she's a Christian. Guess what? God doesn't judge. (That makes Him better than me.) And if she wants to dress up, show off her assets and go to church-- Jesus said Mary Magdalene was a welcome member as well.(ie, it takes all kinds). So, get over it.
Now, do I like that pompous, male-chauvinist ass of a husband of hers? No. Would I put up with him for 5 minutes? Not on your life. But am I married? Nope and it's my choice, and she's made hers-- so more power to her.

Lynne. Bless her soul, what a freakin mess. First off, be a parent, not a doormat. Grow a set. She's walked over by her kids, her husband and the other women... I don't even know where to begin (as I sit here shaking my head like I'm starting into a petite mal seizure...).

Gretchen. Now here's a woman who knows who she is (whether you like it or not), controls her image, doesn't need man, and will and does make something of herself outside this series. Gotta admire that.

Tamra and Simon. Ok, we know they are divorcing as we speak. Those 2 were oil and water. And the fault was equal on both sides. Am I surprised? Not for a minute. I am not a fan of how they were showing "evil" Simon. It's more complicated than that and I would bet that if we were shown more we would see a (more) shallow, immature side of Tamra than we already do.

Pysch... what can I say about my love for this show? It's an inane, frothy, bubbly, time-waster, but I love love love it nonetheless. I love the theme song and the pineapples, the 80's references and the "bum bum bum... muffins!" Just love it. The chemistry among the entire cast is right on the money. That is such a hard thing to accomplish. The 2 leads (James Roday and Dule Hill) make you believe they're best friends, and I have genuine empathy/adoration for Timothy Omundson. Someday, I'd hope my daughter would have a job she loved as much as Maggie Lawson seems to love hers. Nuff Said?

Guess that's it for today. It's the weekend.. that means knitting to Lifetime Movies for Women. Or as my male friend says "White men doing evil things network."

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Wave bye-bye to the nice doctor...

After almost 2 weeks of mind-blowing migraines the likes of which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy (but maybe. to be honest, my ex-husband), I have decided that I can't live in the land of the non-functional anymore and am returning to using my Excedrin. When I actually have holes in my stomach or some other horrible problem, I'll deal with those repercussions then...
As for now, I can actually get to work, and be a mom again. It's a miracle, right? Nope, just Novartis at it's finest.

So, seriously, again with Jake on The Bachelor... Yep, he's down to the final 2 and I correctly guessed it's going to be Vienna (sausage). Poor Tenley. Gotta love her because she would be a great wife. Would she want to be stuck in Denton, Texas (don't get all over me, I lived in Texas-- don't mess with it...) with a dolt like Jake all her life and have to buy vanilla frozen tofu and for a special treat-- vanilla ice cream? I think not. I think Tenley deserves a really caring, deep, wonderful man who appreciates the full range of the Ben & Jerry collection-- you know, who lives a little.

Vienna? Yes, she's out there, and Jake will choose her because it'll get the ratings and show his "compassionate side". It'll show that he can rise above the nastiness that the other girls have been saying about her... But wait until the sh*t hits the fan about her past. Do you think for one minute that he'll be able to reconcile that with his religious views? No freakin way. Not that Vienna will mind-- by then she'll have her 15 minutes of fame, possible Playboy offer, and she'll be off on her gold-digging way. That's daddy-s girl! (They raise 'em smart in the swamp, huh...)

Just a quick note about American Idol after watching the entire 56 hour snooze-fest over 2 days that was the choosing of the final 24 contestants. I read/heard about Michael Lynche getting booted from the 24 because his dad ratted him out to the Florida press. So why is he still there? It seems another AI contestant has been replaced (with no reason given), but Michael remains. Huh? Also... Why boot Thaddeus and keep Andrew Garcia (or keep both and boot that annoying Tyler who's only real "skill" seems to be acting like a 70's rocker wanna-be...).
And, seriously, why boot Tori only to keep Haley? I know that they fill "demographics" (or as I call them "cookie-cutter boxes") but that one was ridiculous. Could we not see the "I'm going out on a limb as a "
'Country singer AND I'm African American!!'" as the gimmick that it was from a mile away?!? (And let's not hear about Mama Bowersox-- she's a "hippie" and Lilly-- she's the token "jazzy/rocker chick/individualist" both fit in those neat boxes...)

Tonight is Celebrity Rehab... let's hope for some serious meltdowns...
Seriously. That took 3 hours?!?

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Snow-bound Saturday

It is the great "Snowpocalypse" 2010, and it harkens me back to 1978... What a great time that was-- many snow days in a row, lots of hot chocolate and popcorn, snow forts (Snow cave for us that lasted until mid-April) snow people, and of course, the snow fights that became all-out snow seiges. Our parents had to haul us in from all over the neighborhood, almost frost-bitten, snot frozen onto our faces, fingers threatening never to curl into a fist again... Those were the good old days! Now I watch as my "Tiny Biney" (as I"ll call her here for her privacy's sake) comes in every 1/2 hour because as a parent I am taught to be overly cautious. Anti-baterialize everything, don't leave her outside, unwatched, even for a minute, and never, ever, let her get too cold/too hot... wow-- it's no wonder our children grow up with a laundry list of stomach ailments. Look at the worries/stress we place upon them
Do you remember when we played on playgrounds that were made on top of cement? Seriously! I played on monkey bars that were placed over hard, cold, cement. I fell many times. I still live. (And the headaches come from an accident during which I was run off the road by a 35 foot fire department pumper truck while they were on an assist to an EMT run. I was driving my moped while wearing my helmet (it's why I can write this today), and suffered 2 severely broken bones, and a contra cou concussion. But nothing playground/cement related.
Speaking of helmets, back in the day when I first got my skateboard, we wore no pads and no helmets (and also not with bikes). Did my father, a physician, fix children up everyday who had horrendous accidents on skateboards/bikes because they didn't wear protective gear? Yes. Did I wear it? No. Seriously... Even if I could have found it where I lived, I was enough of a nerd with the extra help, thank you very much.

So, I'm on day 3 of my migraine adventure. I think I'd rather be journeying through Dante's circles of Hell... Still with the migraines everyday, I just am getting them on a larger scale, thanks to the fact that I can't have Excedrin. I am now taking Imitrex on a daily basis, along with the nausea medicine, and so think I'll call the doctor Monday, since that just seems wrong, somehow...
Friday I had my migraine Botox done. That seems to help a little, and at this point, as long as it isn't hurting me more, or involving ingesting more meds, I'm all on board with it.

Outside my window, I can hear the shovels scraping, clearing the snow. Some nice Mormon boys from up the street are helping with snow removal. I think that having really wonderful neighbors is such a blessing. I'm going to sign off and take them some hot chocolate and a donation. Good acts of kindness are rare and these boys should have a little reward for theirs.

Tomorrow is another day for things to be better and brighter.

Oh, PS, Seriously, how awesome is Caprica?!? I watched the first generation Battlestar Galactica, and couldn't bring myself to watch the new version... But after seeing Caprica, I feel I may have done myself a disservice, and will now go back and watch it on DVD, if it's available.



Thursday, February 4, 2010

Thursday is the First day...

I went to see a headache specialist yesterday... a move I have been putting off for over 2 years. I was told the everyday headaches I've been getting and treating with Excedrin are, in actuality, migraines-- they just weren't the tsnami level migraines I get 4-6 (or more) times a month. It turns out that treating my everyday headaches with Excedrin was just making matters worse as your brain gets hooked on the acetaminophen, creating the "need" for more of the product, in addition to the fact that I was putting off the inevitable huge migraine... So now I am being weaned off Excedrin with a steroid and was given about a month's worth of migraine medicine.
So here's my question... If I get migrianes on about a daily basis, why is it my insurance company only overs a total of 6 Maxalt? Seriously?!? And then the per pill charge after that is more than I make in a day... (And don't get into "well, Bryann, that's why gov't insurance would be so much better...") I work in a doctor's office. I know from what insurance companies cover, and the government's insurance companies (Medicare/Medicaid) are the worst of the lot.
So today I feel crappy, had to take an Immitrex (we're alternating those with Maxalt) and pheneragan. But, I made it to work. Bonus!

So, Seriously, how immature is Jake on the Bachelor? I think he's looking for someone to play GI Joes/Legos with. Not a wife. I think the one true thing he says is that he wants a "bestest friend." How about getting a puppy? The reason, I believe that he has bonded with Vienna (everytime I hear that name, I can only think "sausages") is because she did the bungee jump with him and at some point in his life, he experienced something horrifying and now he feels he has met someone who will be there to get him through should he ever face another such time.
Why do I think he's immature and not just solid Christian? Corrie. He let the girl with virtues go. Says a lot, that does. I mean seriously... here's a guy who may still be a virgin, thinks he has an awesome chance of scoring on the "Forego"card date, and he's not going to miss that for another virgin-- no chance!
Why did he not keep Ella? He wants a mama, just not one he has to share with someone else....
And as long as he hears the stories about Vienna (Sausages) running around topless (WooHoo) she's a shoo-in!
Well, back to the land of fuzzy-headed nausea. Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully better!